2019…begin!

2018 has been left behind and a new horizon in a new year is awaiting along the yellow brick road. I have once again emptied the container of tears, from happiness to sadness into the Pensieve and retraced my past year in video form to create a short recap based on emotions and people.

2018 recap

2018 taught me a lot about myself, which my Good Talk series is a testament to. It is frightening to open up about yourself, not only because people will know more about your vulnerable sides, but that you might uncover things about yourself deep within the hidden dark forest. The topic of who I am versus who I project myself to be to others has been a recurring thought, both in moments of triumph and moments of cellar-based darkness.

I wonder if anyone sees the Bastian in me that lives in two worlds, desperately trying to merge it somehow, and equally desperately trying to keep the Nothing and fears of the future away? I wonder who sees the altruist with the Hufflepuff characteristics staring down the one-eyed bear while the silver dogs howl? And I wonder who sees that which is kept from the Pensieve, that I don’t yet fully understand myself?

But in both worlds, I know that I have companions, a fellowship along with me, even if doubts can be a cruel thing even here. But as mentioned in the video, I hope I get to keep you, just as I hope you want to keep me. It has never been about the amount of people watching what I do, but who each and every one of these are on a personal level. Versions of Atreyu, Jum-Jum, Elphaba and A-walls. I truly believe that it is the quality of one’s own convictions that determines success, not the number of followers, as Remus put it before the end. 

I have made a promise to be more proactive in 2019, and not just react to what happens. My community is in many ways echoed by Lucy Spraggan’s wonderful lyrics I have less friends but more best friends and they’re scattered around the globe. I hope to be more worldwide this year, to go and see my friends in other countries, and also meet some of them for the very first time. 2018 brought new and wonderful people into my life, such as lovely Russian cats, a courageous 420 shoulder tapper and a hugger to catch my fall to name a few. I am excited to go down this rabbit hole once more and to be open to people, to cultures in a world of butterfly effects where small shifts, and small matters, become life-changing moments and new interactions. Who knows where we will be in a year, but as one of the most inspiring people in my life wrote in a recent post that made my heart ache: Do it all now!

Thank you, to all of you, however we are connected.
The yellow brick road awaits. We’re off. 

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